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August 2008 
Courteous encounters in Japan, Morocco, and the U.S.
Posted on Aug 27th, 2008
by 
Yamanekko
Yamanekko
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for August 27, 2008:
I passed a number of people in the hallways of the community college where I work, students, staff and faculty. I smiled at those I knew but didn't speak. I am often in my own world and don't notice people around me, and when I do I may smile and make eye contact. Or not. As a (relatively) young woman, I find eye contact or speaking to people I pass in the hall or on the street can lead to unwanted attention. I am rather ordinary-looking in my opinion, but apparently a smile or casual conversation pushes me up a category into "I should ask her out because she looked at me". I have been forced into uncomfortable situations in which I have to make direct rebuttals to boys/men I don't know - such as "I don't drink coffee, I have a boyfriend, and I don't want to have coffee with you anyways" - before they will leave me alone. I don't like doing this. I would rather just look right through them or ignore them. Rude? Yes. Necessary? For my peace of mind, I think so.
When I lived for a year in Japan, I felt insulated from such attention - they have many social courtesies there and a deep aversion to rudeness. Then again when I lived for four months in Morocco, the only thing I needed to do to become the target of catcalls and invitations to marry was to walk down the block by myself. I must state here that my overall interaction with Moroccans was positive - I met many generous and kind people there who helped teach me the language, the culture, and the expected social norms.
The U.S. is such a big country, I suppose every region has its expectations on how you act when passing people in the street or in the workplace. There is no national standard of behavior as I seemed to find in Japan and Morocco. Unless you count "Hi, how are you? -I'm fine thank you" as our standard.
Japan greeting: "Konnichiwa! O-genki desu ka?" (Good morning! Are you happy/healthy?) typical answer: "Genki desu." (I'm fine.)
Moroccan greeting: "As-Salāmu `Alaykum." (Peace be with you.) Alaykum As-Salām (And peace be with you.)
If I had an expected behavior to follow, a script when passing people I didn' t know, I suppose I would follow it. Without a standard, I just muddle along and try to be polite, but also try to avoid unwanted encounters.
When I lived for a year in Japan, I felt insulated from such attention - they have many social courtesies there and a deep aversion to rudeness. Then again when I lived for four months in Morocco, the only thing I needed to do to become the target of catcalls and invitations to marry was to walk down the block by myself. I must state here that my overall interaction with Moroccans was positive - I met many generous and kind people there who helped teach me the language, the culture, and the expected social norms.
The U.S. is such a big country, I suppose every region has its expectations on how you act when passing people in the street or in the workplace. There is no national standard of behavior as I seemed to find in Japan and Morocco. Unless you count "Hi, how are you? -I'm fine thank you" as our standard.
Japan greeting: "Konnichiwa! O-genki desu ka?" (Good morning! Are you happy/healthy?) typical answer: "Genki desu." (I'm fine.)
Moroccan greeting: "As-Salāmu `Alaykum." (Peace be with you.) Alaykum As-Salām (And peace be with you.)
If I had an expected behavior to follow, a script when passing people I didn' t know, I suppose I would follow it. Without a standard, I just muddle along and try to be polite, but also try to avoid unwanted encounters.
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